spin me round again
by kathleenfergie
Summary: Her eyes were still closed in fear of the Angel, and that almost made him smile. The Doctor was about to let her go and return to the console when he noticed something round her neck, the glow of the machine making it sparkle. Softly, he picked it up in the palm of his hand. It revealed itself to be a diamond ring. "Are you married, Pond?" Time of the Angels AU. Oneshot.


Okay, kids. So this is a rewrite of the original oneshot called 'i can't.' This is set in Time of the Angels, and the Doctor finds Amy's engagement ring. It's sad, I know, and there's a lot of yelling and crying. Enjoy!

All the lords of BBC own this.

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The Doctor tinkered with his controls, revving the TARDIS into gear. River had just been picked up by Stormcage officials, and he and Amy were off again, off to another adventure. Amy sat in the chair near the console, her head in her hands; she'd been feeling ill after the event with the Angel inside her mind. With her head forward her luxurious red hair tumbled in front of her face.

The TARDIS began to move and the bumpy ride the two always experienced began. Amy moaned from her place on the chair, her hands collapsing, her head falling against her legs with her whole body perched downwards toward the floor of the console room. She let her arms droop freely. Amy let out a groan as the box was jolted to the side. The Doctor, sensing her unease, switched the stabilizers on. As the tumbling of the TARDIS smoothed, Amy let out a sigh of relief and mumbled a small thanks.

The Doctor turned to face her, noticing her collapsed position for the first time.

'Amelia!' He exclaimed, crossing over, kneeling and cradling her head in his hands. Her eyes were still closed in fear of the Angel, and that almost made him smile. 'How are you feeling, Pond?' He asked, scanning her with his screwdriver. While she was a little under the weather, the tiny screen pronounced her free of any injury.

She gave no response and did not open her eyes. He noticed how pale she was, but by giving her an once-over, he confirmed that the movement of the TARDIS had not harmed her in any way. The Doctor was about to let her go and return to the console when he noticed something round her neck, the glow of the machine making it sparkle. Softly, he picked it up in the palm of his hand. It revealed itself to be a diamond ring, and he stifled a gasp.

'Erm, Amy…' The Doctor whispered, the panic seeping through his voice. 'What is this?' She still had not yet opened her eyes, so she had no clue what he was talking about. That was until she felt the tugging of her necklace. The second time he had come back; she had slipped her engagement ring on a chain and wore it up until now. Swallowing hard, she opened her mouth, trying to think of how to explain herself. She couldn't find the words though, and she didn't want to say anything. Amy didn't want to see the look of astonishment and betrayal on his face.

'Doctor, I…' She stopped; what could she say? That she ran away from her fiancé on her wedding night? Where could she even begin? She was afraid of his reaction. He leaned his forehead against hers, exhaling deeply.

'You stupid, stupid girl, why didn't you tell me?' He wasn't mad at her, he was just exhausted. The Doctor was tired of ruining peoples' lives. Things were going well with Amy, he'd thought. She'd told him she had nothing back in Leadworth that inhibited her from doing this forever. Of course it would never have been _forever, _but long enough. 'Are you married, Pond?' Before she could answer, he chuckled sadly. 'Well, I guess I can't call you that anymore. Um...what's his name?' _You don't really want to know that, do you mate? _He asked himself. Amy's face shone with more shame.

'Not married yet, Doctor. Just engaged. To Rory. Rory, that's his name. You met him the first time…the first time you came back.' Looking into his eyes, she could feel the emotions dripping off of him. 'Actually, our wedding was set for the morning of the night you came back the second time. I…I would have told you sooner, but I knew you would take me home, and I didn't want that.'

'You're damn right I would have.' He growled in a very uncharacteristic manner. Amy looked taken aback.

'Doctor, you have to understand - you of all people - that I just wanted to see the world. I wanted to experience what I never got as a little girl. I wanted adventures, and I wanted to spend time with my Raggedy Doctor. You understand that, don't you?' He nodded and then quickly shook his head.

'No, no, no, Amy! I wouldn't have brought you along had I known. I thought you…I mean it was working, everything was working!' He stood up, grabbing his hair in frustration. 'I promised you all of time and space because I thought you were free to experience it. Your _wedding_ night? Really, Pond?' He set his hands on the console, back turned away from her. 'You love him, don't you?' He whipped around again, staring her down. 'Why did you come? Why did you leave him? You didn't need me to have adventures. You would've had them with Rory.' _No, she wouldn't have. She'd have stayed in Upper Leadworth her whole life waiting for you, just like they always do. _He turned another time towards the console and starting punching in coordinates. Amy got up from her chair and rushed over to him.

'Doctor? Doctor, what are you doing?' She saw her address and gasped, her hands flinging out to stop his. 'No! No you can't! Please, there's so much more I need to see. I love Rory, I do, he's everything to me, but I'm not done my time with you, Doctor.' He refused to look at her, but she continued, her voice raised several pitches. 'I waited fourteen years for you, please don't deny me this. We can't just stop after a couple of weeks, I need to see more. I dreamed about this for years, I fought the psychiatrists for you, for all of this! Please!' He continued steering his machine, ripping his hands away and moving to the other side of the console. 'You can't do this!' She tried to run at him, but tripped and fell to her knees. His back was turned, so she crawled and grasped onto his legs in desperation. '_Please, Doctor._' She pleaded. His hands flew against the console to stabilize himself.

'Amy, I can't! I just can't. I can't do this. Not to you, not to Rory. This can't happen. I won't let it.' He turned around, picking her up by her forearms. She looked away and sobbed. 'Look at me Amy. _Look!_' She stared into his eyes, the tears flowing freely down her face. 'You see this face? One day, this face _will_ change. It is not my first, and it won't be my last. I change constantly and having you in the TARDIS will change me and you. The longer you stay, the more you'll lose track of time. You'll remain in this box until you've gone gray-haired and can barely run away from danger.' He paused, breathing heavily. 'I don't age like you do, Amy! You'll never go back to your small home. In time you'll forget about Rory; you'll never marry him. And then one day I will return your dead body back to your home because I couldn't stop. I ruined other people's lives, Amelia, and I'll do the same to you.' He cupped her face in his hands, whispering. 'I can't do that to you. To Rory. I have to do this, for you, Amelia. Please, I have to save at least one person.'

They stared at each other for a moment, the only sounds were the humming of the TARDIS, Amy's sniffles and the Doctor's continued heavy breathing.

'Doctor, _please_.' Amy said quietly. 'When I was seven years old, you dropped from the sky into my garden, in the middle of the night. You ate my food, fixed the crack in my wall. You completely stole me away. No, stop it. You're my best friend and I love you. You have been my best friend all along. Though you weren't physically there, I still held on to you. I love Rory so much, but it's completely different. I'm going to marry that man. Traveling with you will not change my feelings, I promise you.' Like he had before the shouting had started, Amy rested her forehead against the Doctor's. 'I'll admit that I miss him. He's got this goofy little smile, and every time I see it I know he's about to say he loves me. You don't have to doubt my love for him. We could go back for him, bring him along? Just, please, don't leave me.' He sighed.

'Amelia Pond, the _Girl Who Waited_.' His voice was so very quiet, he worried she wouldn't hear him, although they were so very close together. 'I'll never leave you, I promise, I always come back, but you can't stay here, in the TARDIS. Pond, you have to return home. You have to get married, pop out a few kids, okay? I'll come back, with maybe a new face, and ruin _their_ lives. I can't keep you.' He paused, the inner turmoil of this event pushing on his hearts. 'We're best friends, you say? Well, Rory is your husband. In the grand scheme of all things, husbands come first. I'm taking you home so you can realize that.' The Doctor let go of her and she backed away from him, her face contorted into a look of hurt and confusion.

'Doctor...why? Why can't you do this for me? Why is it impossible for me to stay here just a while longer?' The tears were silently leaking from her eyes. 'I will go back to him, but the time is not now! I need to stay, why can't you just do this for me?' She was shouting, and so he shouted back.

'Because, Amy! If you're not dead by the time I take you back, you'll be too old and Rory will have moved on! You won't be able to marry him! You. Cannot. Stay! I won't do this because I...because I can't, Amy. I just can't. I won't live with more guilt. I won't.' He pushed the final button to take her home. _To hell with the stabilizers._ The TARDIS catapulted her forward and she ran at him, this time hitting his back with her fists. She fought him like she fought the psychiatrists, like she fought her aunt and all the people who had bullied her for dreaming of a Raggedy Man who would never come back. Except he did, and this time she wasn't going to him go.

'I trusted you!' He sobs interrupted her voice as she screamed at him. The relentless sobbing pulled at his hearts and he tried his best to shut out her voice. '_Doctor_!' She said his name in a way that sounded like she was dying, gasping for breath, and all she could say was his name.

'Amy, Amy, Amelia, _there is no other way_!' He cried. He kept repeating her name, just like she did. He could think of nothing else to say but her name. _Amelia_. She fell back onto the floor as they landed, fully sobbing by then. He'd landed in her bedroom, the easiest place he could think of. Walking over, he forcefully picked her up and she kept fighting, as if trying to bruise him would make him stop. It wouldn't, though. _Amelia_. _Amelia, please._

She screamed and screamed, and he worried that she'd wake the whole planet. Once he was in her room, he dragged her over to the bed, sitting against her as she struggled. Placing his hands on her forehead, he put her to sleep. He didn't erase this fight, he let her remember how heartless he could be. The screaming stopped, but she managed to let a few words escape before falling asleep.

'_I trusted you._'

_Oh, Amelia. _

'I'm so sorry.' He whispered.

And he left.


End file.
